Hello 2008 - a real fresh start!

Right so lets get this whole restarting the blog thing to a positive start, it can be easy when bogged under to allow yourself to get morbid and start a viciously spiraling downward cycle

But this is a new year, so lets get back to the old school Katie who is showing many signs of improvements on her old self (an increased amount of relaxation/peace, and a developing and an evolving love of psytrance and associated raves being two of them)

For one, learning how to let go completely. And this hard lesson was finally learnt to a whole new level on new years eve, and it was the most amazing night out I have ever had in my life as well – so all in all a good start

I went to a psytrance rave in London, with Oli and his housemates and few other of their friends, and arrrgh it was soooooooooo cool. I had the most amazing hallucinations ever – not something I have managed before or would have coped with without panicking, but I realized all I had to do was truly relax into it and had the most amazing half hour or so (have no real idea of time so this is a guess) and I came out realizing that not only was I capable of that, but all the stress and angst that I have let myself build up was not necessary and that it never will be, and ultimately I will get there.


That and I was overwhelmed by the awesomeness at having lived in a cartoon for that whole time

And then all the philosophical bullshit stopped and I stomped myself stupid and loved every god damn minute of it with my favourite blond hair, blue eyed English boy at my side (or me at his side, depending on how you want to look at it!) along with people whose company I thoroughly enjoy appearing and disappearing at various intervals! Which just made my night completely perfect






I can’t say this lesson has truly stuck yet, I have glitches where I feel true fear at everything, but there is an underlying sense of calm and belief that I think is here to stay

So how else have I changed this year? I have moved countries, taken on two jobs and carried on with my masters degree and bought a house– and I could never have managed this without the support of my friends and family who have helped me to the best of their ability, and cared for me the whole way, even if I cant always see it, I only hope I can find a way to show how much I appreciate them for this

My aims for this hope filled New Year:
- Be kinder to myself – yes I can be super woman, but I don’t always have to be
- To spend even more time with my friends when I can, but to remember that they are always there and this masters degree will finish soon so sometimes that has to take priority!
- To go raving more, I enjoyed it before, and I have now realized that I absolutely love it – I only hope the only people who I know that go to the psytrance raves will let me keep joining them, otherwise damn it I don’t know what will happen on that front argh
- To allow myself just to sit back and smell the roses
- And stop worrying – ultimately everything will all work out as it is supposed to

The only morose thing I have to say is that I wish I'd had this important lesson about letting go before I hurt one of the people that I care about most in this world. I should have just talked, but I was too frightened and silly, so I didn’t, and I hurt them. I just hope that time can heal things, and I hope I haven’t lost all the care and trust they gave me; I value it more than anything in this world. All I can say is that I won't make that mistake again - I can’t. So, now to try and activate my final resolve for the year listed above!!! lol

But all in all, I think this has a great deal of potential to be a very good year. So happy New Year to you all!!!